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I try to Write a lyric a day and I'm a compter nerd
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Electronic Press Kit » Entertainment & Arts
Open Mic
Hi Carl, thanks for the read and compliment, I appreciate it...Concerning that last line in the chorus, I did in fact have a melody in mind that necessitated that ending, but I do concede it could be edited out if the vocalist deemed it necessary or liked it that way better. From a readers point of view with no music, I can see your point now that I look it over again. Thanks again
R.I.P Ott, You were such a nice guy. What a thing to find out after returning to the forums from my own health issues. Your name will live on here.
Diane Gee-Frasca and Michael Prather liked this
Good write Gwyneth!...I've read it twice to see what suggestions I could make, but I just can't find one. At first I wondered about the "church"- "Lurch" part, but as I re-read it and sung it with a generic melody in my head, it fit and sound fine. And what a fine work this is indeed, great job.
In The Real World
Hi all, I've been dealing with ongoing medical and life issues and have been away for a spell. I'm just getting back to visiting my forums and interacting more again. This is one I wrote a while back and have been tinkering with ever since. I saw a documentary on the modeling world and this came out. Thoughts and suggestions welcome.In The Real WorldDressed to the nines in black high heels;pantomime smile for the camera lens.Flashes flickering big blue eyes;backdrop brand new Mercedes Benz Middle age mogul waiting inside;chauffeur standing by the open door,silently sending "hurry ups"with eyes that spoke those words beforeWhen she gets in her smile will fleealong with her moment of gloryIn the real world, she's not realIn the real world, she's just a dreamA fantasy; pure fictionwho's reality's never seenin the real world. Laying on a canopy bedfighting back tears with quivering lipsCupped hands hiding a shameful face;skin dug in with her fingertipsCompany agent by her side,sprawled content with a peaceful grin,contemplates contracts coming up;near finalized deals to seal againIn the dawn with her dignity he'll be gone without a pleasantry In the real world, she's not realIn the real world, she's just a dreamA fantasy; pure fictionwho's reality's never seen in the real world. She's lost her joy to be enjoyedwishing now she was unemployedIn the real world, she's not realIn the real world, she's just a dreamA fantasy; pure fictionwho's reality's never seen in the real world. © L. James Tanner
Good stuff and I like the hook. Something many can relate to. I have some trepidation (but with the right music it may be a mute point) about the use of so many "You's". It could distract from the message a tad if too noticeable (again the right music and melody could make that work) All in all, I think it's a great start, nice work.
You can feel the heart in these words, and I enjoyed it very much. The only advice I would give is to use the hook "Wild Flowers" a little more to hone in on the thought. Great start without a doubt.
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