Hi Josh,
There is some beautiful writing here. I think with just a few minor adjustments, you'll have a really good song. I agree about the pounds you shed line. I think you could do something different there. It just seems out of place. The end of the chorus almost feels like poetry rather than lyrical. I know there is a fine line between the two but there is a line. I really did like some of the individual lines. The writing and choice of words is a thing of beauty. Nice work!
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