Aaron
Nice sentiments expressed simply and concisely and written well!
There are few things I would draw your attention to
V1 and V2 have 5 and 4 lines respectively unusual if intended.
Choice of a three line chorus which gives it a feeling \of instability yet the message seems one of hope
Then the choice of 'desert', this is not giant in so much as it sounds alright but doesn't evoke in me a lullaby, rather desolation and a sense of abstract beauty. Maybe the use of verbiage appropriate to deserts will heighten the appeal and not just suddenly land there. i.e. hot dry wasteland ribbed red (I am from Aus of course) moving etc,
But still did like it and its basic simplicity with no waste or exccess fat
Arty
Nice sentiments expressed simply and concisely and written well!
There are few things I would draw your attention to
V1 and V2 have 5 and 4 lines respectively unusual if intended.
Choice of a three line chorus which gives it a feeling \of instability yet the message seems one of hope
Then the choice of 'desert', this is not giant in so much as it sounds alright but doesn't evoke in me a lullaby, rather desolation and a sense of abstract beauty. Maybe the use of verbiage appropriate to deserts will heighten the appeal and not just suddenly land there. i.e. hot dry wasteland ribbed red (I am from Aus of course) moving etc,
But still did like it and its basic simplicity with no waste or exccess fat
Arty
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