Aaron
"...of na na na s after the last line of it to the rhythm of the ballad with a "my desert lullaby..."
Horse with no name instantly springs to mind, lol
It is interesting as to the background here, appreciate the special emotion you must feel as well as your family as well to it, I am not in anyway trying to undermine it or such. This therefore will work beautifully with them as they KNOW the background the gravity of Desert.
I will talk generally about songwriting and as was noted to me very early on was if you want a song to go somewhere and mean something to other people outside of your clique then the song has to stand on its own, no explanation what it is about, no title to read and glean from, the song has to be its own world and explaining to the world what the message is you want to tell.
IN this I never tell the title of a song of mine (the very few covers I have ever done, around 3 I have told the artist and song title out of respect for them), just get in and play them, if it gets to the Radio, they will not necessarily tell the world what the song is etc.
On these forums where it is lyric the title is there for all to see etc and is an important draw in for (some) people as to whether they will critique / listen. But at the end of the day the song has to do the grunt work without assistance.
Still if you wanted to make it more 'universal' a bridge along the lines of
Sitting here in the sand
with with camo's and shells overhead
just thinking of you
those I am here to protect
Arty
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