Aaron: I appreciate the thoughts here; you have a good idea. some nice lines.
I will say that you have two possible choruses written. The first and third section, and the second and fourth. I like the second the best, and I would turn that one into the chorus. Then, in a VCVCBRC format, you have half the song done. All you have to do now is come up with two verses and a bridge, and some of your lyrics give you a good start there. I'd be hesitant about using "I leave a piece of me behind" more than once. You don't want your verses sounding like a competing chorus.
Just my thoughts, take or not as you wish.
Ott
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