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Thread: Angel
Arty Redsocks
#3
Hae Misse
Some nice words and sentiments, whilst it is hard to read without breaks, I think I get what you are trying to achieve. but when I break it up into the delineation of ANGEL
we have(lines) 2, 4, 1 5? 1, 3, 3, 2, 5, 1

For this reason it could work extremely well if all have a unique distinctive variation (in the modern form of some pop music) or somewhat confused if with the same melodic pattern.

Angel

Stop looking at me
You're supposed to be clean
Angel

Stop fighting for me
Your wings should be clean
Angels aren't supposed to follow
The words of mortal men
Angel

Stop watching me
Angel

Stop making me like you
You've acted so cruel
Angel

Stop making me need you
I don't know what to do
Angels don't really seem to listen
To the prayers of mortal men
So angel
Why do you?
Angel

Stop watching me
Angel

Why do I care?
God's soldiers aren't meant to feel
For the struggles of mortal men
Angel

What do I do?
Making my faith up
As we go along
Angel

Stop guarding me
Your blade should stay clean
Angel

Don't protect me
Your Grace needs to be clean
Angels aren't supposed to love
The souls of mortal men
I don't believe you
Angel

Please don't stop watching me.



I am thinking it could possibly use a bit of symmetry applied so the listener is able to also settle and expect.

Of course this could be a piano piece where I have heard similar constructions but in all honesty they tend to become forgettable very quickly after listening, irrespective of the dulcet tones and playing ability.

Just opinions of course and yours to do with as you wish


Arty