Dennis Wright
#0
Dennis Wright
Song title/’’ I Don’t Need You Anymore’’
© 2014
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Verse 1:
______
You put me down for so many years
Made me feel like life wasn’t worth living
Caused me so much heartache and pain
If I had wings said I would fly away

Verse 2:
______
You talked about me made fun of my dreams
Said that I will never amount to nothing
You turned your back on me when I was down
Left my side when I needed you the most

Chorus:
______
But I don’t need you now I don’t need you anymore
Finally I’m where I always wanted to be
I don’t need you now I don’t need you anymore
Everything you put me through I overcome

Verse 3:
______
You took me through hell treated me like dirt
Made me feel like garbage out on the porch
Sometimes I didn’t know if I was coming are going
That is just how bad you made life for me

Bride Chorus:
___________
All of the pain that you cause me
Made me so much stronger
It gave me the strength to chase my dreams
Now I’m soaring above the clouds on eagle wings

Chorus:
______
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Hae Misse
#1
Definitely a powerful 'eff you, you aren't worth it' type of song - I love those. Nice work! 
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Dennis Wright
#2
Wow, I'm so surprise I just received a comment on this song lyric, and I just posted it. Hae Misse, thank you for such wonderful comment-and for taking the time to review my song lyric.This mean so much to me. Everybody here I at song ramp. I love each and everyone of you so much. God Bless! Yours in songwriting, Dennis
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Dennis Wright
#3
Ok. thank you my friend. Dennis
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Dennis Wright
#4
I will do. My friend. I promise you. thank you so much for everything you do.
Dennis
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Larry Killam
#5
ENJOYED dA rEAD.gOOD LUCK WITH IT dENNIS.
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Dennis Wright
#6
Thank u my friend. Dennis
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Marc-Alan Barnette
#7
Hey Dennis,

Good to see you writing. And yes, Steve has said you are finding ways to be more econimical in your words on songs. That is all good and all is the process you should go with. One thing that I would like to mention as your writing develops. In your efforts to attract more co-writers, possibly artists, you need to think about TONE in what you are writing. 

The "Angry, bitter, frustrated" pieces of writing, that almost all writers do, are pretty tough to get people that interested in, because like life itself, most people have their own pain, bitterness, and frustrations. And in this current "self absorbed" world, people really have no interest in other people's pain.

Most people who listen to a lot of songs, will tune these type of songs out by the second line. 

So you need to find some different tones and messages to convey. 
Instead of focusing on how bad some person has treated the singer, are they ways to talk more about how they are rising above the struggles. What did the singer learn? What did they do to get out of the bad situation?

It would be the same as if you walked into a room where dozens of people were nasty, talking bad about their lives, moaning, groaning, being depressed.  It would make you depressed as well. This is what these types of songs tend to do. 

So in the future efforts you do, it might help to think in different tones on your point of view. See if that helps you raise your level somewhat.

MAB
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Chris Brownell
#8
I've got to disagree a bit with OD and MAB. First, there are plenty of great songs with two verses before you get to the chorus. The V-V-C-V-C song structure is very common. Whether it works really depends on the music. Second, there are also lots of good "bitter" songs. The jazz standard, "Cry Me a River", Carly Simon's "You're So Vain", and Waylon Jennings' "Just to Satisfy You" come to mind.

The key to writing a song like this--in addition to using more rhymes--is to make it linguistically interesting. Find a hook that's a play on words, or a common phrase that's used in an unexpected way. Sometimes following the structure of a nursery rhyme--repeating a theme over and over, but changing it a little bit each time--works. Although it's not a "bitter" song, Cat Stevens' song "Moonshadow" is a good example of this writing style. Come to think of it, "Cry Me a River" uses the technique of repeating a theme with little changes in each verse (1. Now you say you're lonely.... 2. Now you say you're sorry.... 3. Now you say you love me....).

Finally, here's a rule I like to follow. Decide what your song is about. If you can't sum it up in one sentence (better yet, in one word), then your song isn't focused enough. Decide what your song is about, and write around that theme.
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1 liked
 likes this.
Dennis Wright
#9
thank you so much. Dennis
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Dennis Wright
#10
MAB, my friend thank u for the advice you've given. I do understand everyone have different taste when it come to music/ song writing. to speak on a sad song think ABout concrete angel, that was written By Martina McBride. Where were you when the world stop turning, By Alan Jackson, etc. these songs Became one of there Biggest hits. I Believe as a songwriter that if we all write the same my friend; then no Body songs will sell my friend. Dennis
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Marc-Alan Barnette
#11
Dennis,

Those songs were hits, also very well written and very uplifting. While both were about somber subjects, they both had very uplifting melodies and characters. but if you had to listen to ten thousand of them all the time, You would have a little different perspective. And Chris yes, there WERE  a lot of verse verse chorus songs. Thirty years ago, which the examples you give are all of that. We no longer have that time frame with the audience who will tune things out after two to four lines.

It is all about what you want your music to do. Write whatever you want. If you want to connect to an audience, artists, publishers, or anyone outside of your own close circle of friends, it takes more effort.

MAB
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Chris Brownell
#12
Funny. I picked three of the top hit songs from 2014 at random and listened to them: "Meanwhile Back at Mama's" (Tim McGraw/Faith Hill); "Automatic" (Miranda Lambert); and "Shake It Off" (Taylor Swift). All three had this song structure: V-V-C-V-C-C. Each had two verses before the first chorus.

I agree there are probably more songs now than ever before with only one verse before the first chorus, but it's obviously not a hard and fast rule that everybody follows.

The songs in my other post were mentioned because they had "bitter" themes. I didn't analyze their song structures.
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Dan Lamons
#13
Hi Dennis. My .02 at just a glance for what it's worth

Verse 1:
______
You put me down for so many years
Made me feel like life wasn’t worth living You broke my heart and caused a trail of tears
Caused me so much heartache and pain
If I had wings said I would fly away

Verse 2:
______
You talked about me made fun of my dreams
Said that I will never amount to nothing  Said that I will never amount to anything..
You turned your back on me when I was down
Left my side when I needed you the most


Verse 3:
______
You took me through hell treated me like dirt
Made me feel like garbage out on the porch
Sometimes I didn’t know if I was coming are going
That is just how bad you made life for me   You never gave a care for the seeds you were sowing



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Dennis Wright
#14
Splendid. I like it my friend.
Dennis
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