I've got to disagree a bit with OD and MAB. First, there are plenty of great songs with two verses before you get to the chorus. The V-V-C-V-C song structure is very common. Whether it works really depends on the music. Second, there are also lots of good "bitter" songs. The jazz standard, "Cry Me a River", Carly Simon's "You're So Vain", and Waylon Jennings' "Just to Satisfy You" come to mind.
The key to writing a song like this--in addition to using more rhymes--is to make it linguistically interesting. Find a hook that's a play on words, or a common phrase that's used in an unexpected way. Sometimes following the structure of a nursery rhyme--repeating a theme over and over, but changing it a little bit each time--works. Although it's not a "bitter" song, Cat Stevens' song "Moonshadow" is a good example of this writing style. Come to think of it, "Cry Me a River" uses the technique of repeating a theme with little changes in each verse (1. Now you say you're lonely.... 2. Now you say you're sorry.... 3. Now you say you love me....).
Finally, here's a rule I like to follow. Decide what your song is about. If you can't sum it up in one sentence (better yet, in one word), then your song isn't focused enough. Decide what your song is about, and write around that theme.
The key to writing a song like this--in addition to using more rhymes--is to make it linguistically interesting. Find a hook that's a play on words, or a common phrase that's used in an unexpected way. Sometimes following the structure of a nursery rhyme--repeating a theme over and over, but changing it a little bit each time--works. Although it's not a "bitter" song, Cat Stevens' song "Moonshadow" is a good example of this writing style. Come to think of it, "Cry Me a River" uses the technique of repeating a theme with little changes in each verse (1. Now you say you're lonely.... 2. Now you say you're sorry.... 3. Now you say you love me....).
Finally, here's a rule I like to follow. Decide what your song is about. If you can't sum it up in one sentence (better yet, in one word), then your song isn't focused enough. Decide what your song is about, and write around that theme.
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