Hey man - good start but a couple things to think about.
1. Great 1st line - love it.
2. I'm not buying the "turn the table" line cause I don't know what it means as it hasn't been properly set up yet.
3. I'm not buying the "Please darling stay seventeen" line ... do teenagers really talk like that nowadays?
Just my thoughts. Carl B. made some good points. Keep it going and like Larry I'm looking forward to hearing it.
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