Dan Ol Buddy, I'll just give you my opinion, and realize I don't know what I'm talking about. Your lyrics make no sense even though I can imagine what you may be talking about. I think you are trying to be clever with poetic passages in your lyrics but they are not conversational at all, meaning the average listener has probably lost all interest in what you are talking about.
You write:
We used to be once upon a time.... (this line sounds like it came from a nursery rhyme).
Livin' in love and all was fine
Until the day the stove broke down....... ( I have no idea what this line means)
And you got caught banging that clown......Really??? Are you sure you want your song to go there???
Behind my back you'se lettin him in
He's tasting you, I'm paying the rent
Was my first date at playin' the fool
I'm telling you baby this shat ain't cool
Dan Ol Buddy, most of these lines make no sense to the average listener. The direction your song is going becomes clear; but is it a song you really want to sing???
Go for it; if you'd like; but you lost me as a listener that wants to hear any more.
OD
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