Dan: Several years ago, I went to a TAXI convention, and spent some money to spend an hour privately with Pat Luboff (sp?), for her to critique some of my tunes. She and her husband are quite well known in songwriting circles. She listened to my tune "I've Brought You A Kiss" (on my page here) and commented: "Real pretty tune. very touching and poignant, and excellent production -- so, who you gonna get to sing it -- Loretta Lynn?"
She was making a point about the "target audience". The major problem with a tune like yours here is, "Who you gonna get to sing it?', and it has nothing to do with the quality of the lyric write, which is quite good. Your problem is that no male singer is going to want to sing to the public a song about how is wife cheated on him AND got pregnant on top of it. It sort of comes across as if he enjoys having been done wrong, to the extent of writing a song about it.
I think that's why people have a problem here -- it's a very uncomfortable situation.
Now if you changed the chorus to:
How do you want it, you dirty whore?
Ain't no way, I'll take no more
Choose the forty-five, or the thirty-eight
You have had, your final date . . . ("bang" side effect in backing track)
Hope this helps.
Ott
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