Ott Lukk said...
Dan: Several years ago, I went to a TAXI convention, and spent some money to spend an hour privately with Pat Luboff (sp?), for her to critique some of my tunes. She and her husband are quite well known in songwriting circles. She listened to my tune "I've Brought You A Kiss" (on my page here) and commented: "Real pretty tune. very touching and poignant, and excellent production -- so, who you gonna get to sing it -- Loretta Lynn?"
She was making a point about the "target audience". The major problem with a tune like yours here is, "Who you gonna get to sing it?', and it has nothing to do with the quality of the lyric write, which is quite good. Your problem is that no male singer is going to want to sing to the public a song about how is wife cheated on him AND got pregnant on top of it. It sort of comes across as if he enjoys having been done wrong, to the extent of writing a song about it.
I think that's why people have a problem here -- it's a very uncomfortable situation.
Now if you changed the chorus to:
How do you want it, you dirty whore?
Ain't no way, I'll take no more
Choose the forty-five, or the thirty-eight
You have had, your final date . . . ("bang" side effect in backing track)
Hope this helps.
Ott
I really didn't have a target audience in mind. I just had the hook come to mind and started toying with the idea. I don't believe anyone can come out of left field and get recorded on a major label these days. All the major players have dozens of staff writers competing for the latest hit.
So it's much better to murder the adulteress than to mention she got knocked up by her lover ? If that be the case humanity is much more sick than I thought. Also someone has already wrote a song about that. I'm trying to write a song about something that has not been said. My goal is originality lyrically and musically. I will do my best to have a decent guitar and vocal cut by tomorrow.
I'll probably be lacking a little, 17 days no wine. I'm abstaining until 12/31/15 @ which point let the party begin!
Thanks for the input Ott!
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