Insomniac

It's 3 o'clock in the morning

I'm tired and this TV show is boring

I'm writing when I should be snoring

Oh oh oh

this is just a warning


Cause when I get up in the morning

I ain't gonna be happy to be alive

Black coffee I'll be pouring

To chug a lug just to stay alive

(Chorus)


(Chorus)

And oooo ya I'm breaking.....

And oooo ya...oh ya I'm breaking...

Insomnia well it breaks you down

Insomniac ya I wear that crown

Can't shut off my mind it just runs around

I've run out sheep I used to slow it down

Can't think of a way to get her back

This loss of love made me an insomniac



Look at that it's another crack in my ceiling

And the faucet has started to leak

Oh all my bones are now aching

All my non sleep has made me weak


Toss and turn till I hear a crack

Toss out my mattress, I don't need that

I'll just hop in my truck and drive around

Until the sun comes back around

(Chorus)


Blackened eyes but not from war

I haven't slept since she walked out that door

Emotional mess ya I passed that test

She said that she didn't need that kinda stress


And ooooooh ya I'm breaking....

And ooooooh ya oh ya I'm breaking.....

(Chorus)

Hi, Charles

Good to see you posting again! I like this one. Nice title. Insomniac. With so many sleep disorders out there and for so many reasons I think this is one people could relate to despite the cause. 

I found this fairly easy to sing.  One suggestion, you can keep, think about or sweep away if it doesn't appeal.
I was left wishing at first there was mention made about the main characters love interest earlier on in the piece before the last two chorus lines, but then I'll retract that thought if you read on.
The audience doesn't get wind of heartbreak perhaps being the catalyst for this singer's woes and sleep problems till the end of the 1st chorus.  Then that love interest is not even mentioned again until what I will call the 3rd verse or verse 5 if you count each separation between lines which to me is really one verse even though you've got two groups for each verse until the end. 

Here's my thought.   Have all of the choruses including the 1st chorus look like this below

(Chorus)

And oooo ya I'm breaking.....

And oooo ya...oh ya I'm breaking...

Insomnia well it breaks you down

Insomniac ya I wear that crown

Can't shut off my mind it just runs around

I've run out sheep I used to slow it down

You've then eliminated the last two lines which to me were a jerked or sudden intro that is abrupt with regards to the love interest.   Bare with me and hear me out to see where I'm going! lol : )

Then instead of having a final 4 line verse after your 2nd chorus, you transform those last two chorus lines into a bridge with lines, words and or ideas from the final verse.  This way it adds dimension to the character's problem and offers an explanation as to why he has it. Otherwise in my humble opinion the love interest is entered into what's going on abruptly and half heartedly at the tail end of the 1st chorus and isn't brought up again till the final verse after the 2nd verse and 2nd chorus.

Bridge could go something like this (only a suggestion to get you to think about your work, not my intent to impose ideas or change) just food for thought as it is your lyric and baby.

(Bridge)
I can't believe that she's gone from my life
Still can't sleep cuz my thoughts twist like a knife
Blackened eyes and restlessness come not from war
It's the thoughts and emotional stress of when she walked out the door

(Verse)
It's 3 o'clock in the morning      I would also consider working to make the meter and line amounts equal to verse 2. This has 9 lines vs 8 lines in verse 2. Rhyme scheme should be consistent with what you've got in the other verse. At present it also is not the same. Something to think about.

I'm tired and this TV show is boring

I'm writing when I should be snoring

Oh oh oh

this is just a warning

Cause when I get up in the morning

I ain't gonna be happy to be alive

Black coffee I'll be pouring

To chug a lug just to stay alive


(Chorus)

And oooo ya I'm breaking.....

And oooo ya...oh ya I'm breaking...

Insomnia well it breaks you down

Insomniac ya I wear that crown

Can't shut off my mind it just runs around

I've run out sheep I used to slow it down




(Verse)
Look at that it's another crack in my ceiling

And the faucet has started to leak

Oh all my bones are now aching

All my non sleep has made me weak


Toss and turn till I hear a crack

Toss out my mattress, I don't need that

I'll just hop in my truck and drive around

Until the sun comes back around


(Chorus)

And oooo ya I'm breaking.....

And oooo ya...oh ya I'm breaking...

Insomnia well it breaks you down

Insomniac ya I wear that crown

Can't shut off my mind it just runs around

I've run out sheep I used to slow it down


(Bridge)
I can't believe that she's gone from my life
Still can't sleep cuz my thoughts twist like a knife
Blackened eyes and restlessness come not from war
It's the thoughts and emotional stress of when she walked out the door



(Chorus)

And oooo ya I'm breaking.....

And oooo ya...oh ya I'm breaking...

Insomnia well it breaks you down

Insomniac ya I wear that crown

Can't shut off my mind it just runs around

I've run out sheep I used to slow it down

Again,   use or lose my thoughts, but I do like what you've started. 

thanks for the ideas Carl b! ya know what's funny about this song is that I actually wrote it at 3 am haha

Enjoyed Da Read.Would love to get to hear it.