billie kay taylor
#0
I overheard your conversation on the phone,
  • I heard you whisper I can't talk right now,
  • cause I'm not alone.
  • Heard the tenderness in voice when you said,
  • we can get together then,
  • When..
  • Nobody's home.
  • I never asked who you were talkin to,
  • it wasn't hard to figure out
  • I'm the nobody you were talkin about,
  • and nearly broke my heart in two.
  • Cause this nobody, is still in love with you.
  • Nobody's cryin in the other room,
  • nobody's wonderin what to do.
  • Nobody's heart is achin,
  • and she's wishin she never knew.
  • Cause nobody
  •  (nobody)
  • is still in love with you.
  • My head says I should leave you,
  • but my heart won't let you go.
  • It still believes you belong to me,
  • and I just need you to know.
  • There's nothin I wouldn't do.
  • Cause this nobody, is still in love with you.
  • Nobody's cryin in the other room,
  • nobody's wonderin what to do.
  • Nobody's heart is achin,
  • and she's wishin she never knew.
  • Cause nobody
  • (nobody)
  • is still in love with you.
  • I overheard your conversation on the phone,
  • I heard you whisper I can't talk right now
  • cause I'm not alone.
  • Heard the tenderness in your voice when you said
  • we can get together then,
  • When..
  • Nobody's home.
    • Like
    Donna Devine
    #1
    I enjoyed this, Billie. It's a clever take on a universal topic. It's very moving, in fact. Flows nicely, and is conversational.

    One thing I might suggest, though, is to have a V/C/V/C/Br/C structure, with a bridge after the second chorus rather than repeating V1 at the end of the lyric. It would also mean you'd get to the chorus more quickly (an old adage: 'Don't bore us, get to the chorus').

    And in the bridge, introduce a new element or twist, which would pull the story forward, give it extra momentum. Especially in today's social climate, a song demonstrating a woman's sense of empowerment is perhaps  more likely to fly than one in which the singer continues to be a 'victim'. I think few female artists - including (and maybe particularly) in the country genre - want to sing anything that presents them as being unable to take themselves out of a loveless, destructive situation. (Though I suppose there'll always be a niche for 'poor little me' songs. Wink )

    A bridge - with its different rhyming structure, metering, and type of content, would also come as a welcome surprise to the listener's ears. The new and unexpected dynamics - lyrical and musical - would help to keep her/him on board. The role of a bridge is almost as important as that of the chorus - sometimes even more so. 

    In any case, just a random thought. Keep or sweep. :)

    Donna 


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    Ott Lukk
    #2
    Donna nailed it. I thought this a real well done write, but then I had to go back and try to figure which was the verse, and which was the chorus. For intellectually challenged people like me, I'm going to ask that in the future you identify the verse, chorus and bridge. Again, a well written lyric, with a universal theme put differently. Your talent is showing!  Ott
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    Peggy Burnham
    #3
    enjoyed it

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    Chris Brownell
    #4
    Billie, I really enjoy your lyrics.  They are very creative and well-written.  You've got talent coming out your ears.

    What bugs me about these particular lyrics is that they don't quite make sense.  The singer overhears his/her significant other invite a secret lover over for a rendezvous at some future time "when nobody's home". Thereafter, the singer refers to him/herself as that "nobody".  But if the singer actually won't be home when the rendezvous occurs, how can the singer be the nobody?

    Wouldn't it make more sense if the singer actually was home, but his/her significant other didn't know it, and the singer overhears the significant other invite the secret lover in, stating, "Come on in ... Nobody's home"? Then it would make sense for the singer to refer to him/herself as the nobody. The song could focus on the fact the singer is being treated as a nobody. And if and when the singer leaves the relationship, the significant other will be left with nobody. Just a thought.

    BTW, this reminds me of Sylvia's big hit in the 1980s called "Nobody", which used a similar play on words.  In that song, it wasn't the singer but, instead, the secret lover who was called the nobody:

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    1 liked
     likes this.
    Larry Killam
    #5
    Enjoyed da Read Bille I agre with V-C-V-C-B-C as well.Keep at it my friend.Well worth working on.
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