Hi, Donna
Looks good to me. Only thing I am left wondering about is in the bridge. Where he sings: " I know I've let go of what used to matter". What does that mean? And what does that mean to a boy who when I was one in my experience, I was innocent, carefree and things zipped in and out of my head as quickly as I was active playing games, sports and doing activities like drawing pictures which was my favorite.
What you have about the corporate ladder illustrates the sterile feeling almost like Anakin Skywalker mutating into Darth Vader, having taken the wrong path, but as a listener I am left wondering what then could this individual now a man have done differently. Did he dream about being a musician? Owning a farm? Having a family and instead he's married to his job?
I suppose what you've got is as generic as it could be but making it more personal in the case of the character you've portrayed here might also make the audience identify more with his situation which I think many might be able to relate to.
Just some thoughts
But with or without the changes I think it works the way it is.
Carl
Looks good to me. Only thing I am left wondering about is in the bridge. Where he sings: " I know I've let go of what used to matter". What does that mean? And what does that mean to a boy who when I was one in my experience, I was innocent, carefree and things zipped in and out of my head as quickly as I was active playing games, sports and doing activities like drawing pictures which was my favorite.
What you have about the corporate ladder illustrates the sterile feeling almost like Anakin Skywalker mutating into Darth Vader, having taken the wrong path, but as a listener I am left wondering what then could this individual now a man have done differently. Did he dream about being a musician? Owning a farm? Having a family and instead he's married to his job?
I suppose what you've got is as generic as it could be but making it more personal in the case of the character you've portrayed here might also make the audience identify more with his situation which I think many might be able to relate to.
Just some thoughts
But with or without the changes I think it works the way it is.
Carl
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