'' Homegrown Whiskey''

Dennis Wright

Song title/ ‘’ Homegrown whiskey’’

© 2015

______________________________

Vs. 1:

Sitting here down at the Nashville bar

Listening to a sad Tanya Tucker song

Thinking about how my baby left me

I found a letter on the night stand this morning saying it was over



Vs. 2:

I don’t know what happen no I can’t explain

Can’t help but to wonder why how could you do me this way

I gave you everything been nothing but good to you

I guess loving you unconditionally wasn’t enough for you



Chorus:

Bartender, pour me a shot of that homegrown whiskey

This one is for my baby I miss him

Pour me another shot of that homegrown whiskey

One last shot for a broken heart and bittersweet memories



Vs. 3:

Boy, sense you left me I been going down

Nothing I do want seem to ease the pain

I can’t stop thinking about you baby and what you did to me

When you walked out of my life you took a piece of me



Bridge:

Where ever you

Might be today

I just want you to know

I miss you baby



Chorus:

Bartender, pour me a shot of that homegrown whiskey

This one is for my baby I miss him

Pour me another shot of that homegrown whiskey

One last shot for a broken heart and bittersweet memories

Enjoyed Da Read Dennis .Me thinks if it was him missing her with the whiskey or maybe her having a Daiquiri or something most women like.All Da Best with it Dennis.

Thank you my friend for the feedback. I'm working so hard on these new songs for the New Year. It's my goal to create a good collection of songs throughout this entire year.

Dennis
Like the chorus a lot, (may think an inclusion of Sweet to the Homegrown Whiskey may work well as a counter point to the bitter...)

This song may be better served due to the nature of the song by three lines per verse and another line in the chorus to make it 5, rather than the complete and stable 4 line structure and a less telling approach to the subject matter and more of a showing (the old show don't tell thingy!!!)

i.e.
V1
Sitting here down at the Nashville bar
Listening to a sad Tanya Tucker song
Thinking about the letter on the night stand

V2
Read her neatly written lines
Blue ink spread wide from her tears
Written before she walked out of my life


As always just opinions and neither write nor wrong

Arty

Thank you Mr. arty for your feed back. I really appreciate it my friend. Just had a thousand thoughts racing through my head when I was writing this song. I will be doing some revising soon. Thanks again my friend for your helpful feed back. Dennis

Dennis,

My thought on the lyrics:  When I read the lyrics I hear a slow country song as opposed to a faster, honkytonk song. Also,  I'm not sure what you intended for the beat, meter and melody of the song.  Based on the melody I hear in my head and the length of each line, I think you need more words that rhyme.  You have the story line written out, so now you need to fit it to your melody while rhyming.  Using the 4 lines to a verse pattern, you can rhyme either the last words in lines 1 and 2 and a different rhyme in lines 3 and 4, or you can rhyme lines 2 and 4.  I rewrote verse 1 and 2 rhyming lines 2 and 4.

Sitting here alone at a Nashville bar

Listening to a sad Tanya Tucker song

Thinking about how my baby left me

After we've been together for so long

I don't know what happened no I can't explain

Can't help but wonder how she (he) could do me this way

I gave her my all, still it all slipped away

It wasn't enough to make her want to stay

Bartender pour me a shot of that homegrown whiskey

This one is for my baby who left me today

Pour me another shot of that homegrown whiskey

One last shot for a broken heart and bittersweet memories

Of course, these lyrics need to be tweaked to fit the melody of the song, but they give you a rough idea of what the line 2 and 4 rhymes sound like (although I think I rhymed all the end words in verse 2). 

Here's verse 3 with a line 1 and 2 rhyme and line 3 and 4 rhyme:

Since you left me I've been going insane

Nothing I do seems to ease the pain

I can't stop thinking of you and how it could be

When you walked out of my life you took a piece of me

Two tools that will help you write lyrics are a rhyming dictionary and a thesaurus. You can find them both on-line.  When I can't find a good rhyme for a word, I often go to the thesaurus to find another word with the same meaning and then look for a rhyme for that word.

Hope this helps.

Tim

Thank  you Mr. Tim for your comment. I liked how you tweaked my song. Everything will be taking into consideration. Thank you my friend.