Brad Hopkins
#0
Here's my first contribution to the writing room, written several years ago about a picture of my wife I've carried around the world in my wallet.  The idea for this song came from a time when I was in Russia in the early 90s and homesick.  A street artist drew a picture of the photo I had that still hangs in my office today.

Verse

I'm standing on this city street
Where nobody knows my name
Every face I see reminds me of you
I don't remember why I came

Chorus 

A faded photograph reminds me
Of a better place
The only thing that keeps me strong
Is the memory of her face

Instrumental Break

Verse

I saw an artist drawing portraits for tips
I gave him your picture to paint
He captured the color of your pretty red lips
And every detail of your face

Chorus

A faded photograph reminds me
Of a better day
The only thing that keeps me strong
Is the memory of your face

If I could only see you, one more time...

©Brad Hopkins 2008


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Wes Tibbets
#1
Hi Brad,

Welcome to the forum. I'm not new but I wouldn't call myself a seasoned vet either.I really like your song. It's touching and sweet. I thought it was nice how the story unfolded. The second verse was really nice. Soft rhymes. That's right up my alley. I use a lot of them too. I saw where one person in another forum elsewhere online used a rhyme scheme that included "maraschino" and "valentino". Great rhymes but I can barely spell maraschino, much less say it or sing it.lol Anyway, best wishes to you!
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Larry Killam
#2
Enjoyed da Read Brad.All Da Best with it my friend.
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Brad Hopkins
#3
Wes,

Thanks for the kind words - I'm with you, my lyrics tend to be sparse and simple.  Guess I should increase my vocabulary a bit, but I tend to like songs that speak plainly anyway...
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Bill Draper
#4
Hello Brad!

I liked the lyric and puzzled over the " I wonder what happened?"

Puzzled it for a day or two and tried to figure out why I couldn't figure the story.

Then reading today, I thought of the pronoun changes as follows....and it made more sense to me....sorry for the mashing edit...it only illustrates how a different interpretation can be construed.  


I'm standing on this city street

Where nobody knows my name

Every face I see reminds me of HER 
I don't remember why I came



Chorus



A faded photograph reminds me

Of a better place

The only thing that keeps me strong

Is the memory of her face



Instrumental Break



Verse



I saw an artist drawing portraits for tips

I gave him THE PHOTO to paint

He captured the color of HER pretty red lips

And every detail of HER face



Chorus



A faded photograph reminds me

Of a better day

The only thing that keeps me strong

Is the memory of HER face



If I could only see HER, one more time...



©Brad Hopkins 2008


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Brad Hopkins
#5
Alternately, I could change the first chorus to "the memory of your face" and I suppose it would make more sense.   I see the pronoun confusion though - thanks for the edit.  Now I have to decide whether to sing it "to" someone or "about" someone...
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Bill Draper
#6
I've read in "how to" books the idea that every listener has their own internal interpretation/reation to the lines. So , it goes, the writer must be kind to his reader...

What I wanted to know, and what I found my mind looking for clues for, was what happened to split these two people apart?
Why can't the writer just get another picture sent email or something? Maybe she died? maybe they broke up? maybe she hates him he still loves her?

Just some ideas. Maybe its already good as is....because it leaves the listener curious.

Bill    
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Brad Hopkins
#7
That is extremely helpful.  Right now the song is just the internal feelings of the writer.  I wonder if a different opening verse could set the stage or whether I should completely rewrite.

The lyrics that occur to me to illustrate what I think you're saying is "Letters from Home," written by Tony Lane and David Lee for John Michael Montgomery.  The opening verse could be from any parent to a son, but as the story unfolds it's clear exactly what's going on.

Thanks again for the suggestions - I'm going to think about what I can do to expand the story.


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Les Service
#8
Hi Brad
I like the sentiment behind your lyric, I think the personal ones come through to most everyone as real and believable so they can relate to it on their own personal level which is good.

A couple things stood out to me and the main one being the 2 verses have different ryhme schemes and line lengths, which sort of throws you off a bit melody wise.

V2 I thought something like
A street artist was drawing portraits
He drew them only for tips
from a photo he captured her colours, her beauty, or similar
so life like her ruby red lips/ I kissed her ruby red lips (the last option is because it looked so life like if that makes sense)
Or something along these lines as this is only an example.


Now this may just be me but I wondered about 3rd line v1, every face I see reminds me of you, they could be old, young, man woman! Would your wife or any woman want to be thought of like they are like everyone else to you? I hope you see what I'm trying to get at as I find it hard some times to put in to words what I mean.
I wondered if something like
I looked for you in the crowd, or in a sea of faces, you know what I mean missing her feeling a bit lost without her!

Brad Im no expert but I hope anything I have put here is helpful, and my comments are only trying to highlight stuff that stood out to me and no way meant to be harsh or unfriendly, just trying to help you in any small way I can as others have done for me.

Good luck
Les
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Brad Hopkins
#9
Les, thanks for taking the time to offer suggestions on my amateur effort.  With the line "every face I see reminds me of you," what I was thinking was that even in the crowd, nothing else is on my mind.  But I see your point.  You guys have given me a lot of good feedback - I'll have to spend some time incorporating them and see if I can improve it.




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