Hi Carl,
First off, let me say thank you for any advice you have to give. I certainly hold you and your opinion in high regard. I was actually in the middle of a 2nd rewrite while you were posting this.
The inspiration for this write comes from personal experience from things I went through in my divorces. Even though I knew we were over, I couldn't help but keep thinking about them and it drove me nuts for a long time. Even now if I think of them, I don't want to waste one second of my life dwelling on either one of them. I want them "out of my head". From what I can tell with your replies, I think you get that.
I loved the edgier thoughts for the hook. It really gave me pause while I considered it. But then something occurred to me that worries me about that a little. It's okay in today's politically correct world for a modern woman to say they wish the man would drop dead. Even in songs. But with all of the emphasis on domestic abuse focusing mostly on men, I'm a little reluctant to go that route without taking the chance that it will be found offensive by some percentage of the female audience and domestic violence organizations. Not that it will ever get to that stage but if it did, I would rather it be a message that crosses the line of both genders without risking offending anyone. Plus, I already have someone sold on the hook as is. The verses is where we've discussed making some changes. Since he is considering recording it, that's just where I think I need to keep my attention focused. So I may have to sweep the hook idea. I do appreciate it and like it though.
I hope you are doing well and had a good week. Best wishes and hopefully you will have an even better weekend. God bless!
Wes
P.S. I did do another rewrite, changed the first line and tried to add a little edge to it per your suggestion. I don't know if it helped it any. Thanks again though!
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