I Would Not Be Here Today

I Would Not Be Here Today

1. You stood by as I tried to fly, dreams like balloons fly out of sight

You would say, don’t give up the fight, someday you’ll get it right

Years go by like a fast train, yet, nothing ever seemed to change

I made some friends along the way and I made some friends to ease my pain

2. Girl, you would see the worst in me, as I’d drink myself to sleep

Would you stay or would you leave, you deserved better than me

One more night one more time when the morning comes you're by my side

You gave me the only reason I’ll try to beat the devil home one last time

Chorus:

I would not be here today, I would be in my grave,

or drunken old man on a lost highway

Yes, I am one of the lucky few, to have a woman like you

If you had not prayed, had you not stayed

I would not be here today

Hi, Jackie!

Welcome to the writer's room.
I think you're off to a good start. How about another verse or two. Maybe a bridge?  I think the subject of finding someone that loves you and stays with you through the good & bad is something people can relate to, as well as someone who is in a sense saved or transformed by someone else.  Tell us more. Expand this (if you like of course) into a story with some detail and images. If you're comfortable with the idea you could use yourself and your wife and or create a fictitious character with a similar story.

And... 

I might consider shortening the lines a bit and or formatting this as such below with a few adjustments at the end of the verse.

You stood by as I tried to fly,
Dreams like balloons flew out of sight
You would say, don’t give up the fight
Someday you’ll get it right
Years go by like a fast train,
Yet nothing ever seemed to change
Made some friends along the way (Why interject about friends easing the pain when you've got one person. Focus on the one.
And I made some friends to ease my pain


I'll stop because I'm not sure what you're looking to do with this but add to it and tell us about the main character's pain and how the love interest helped him or her through a tough time.

Keep or sweep my thoughts

Carl

Hi Carl,  Thank you for your insights and ideas. I see what you mean!  Your help is just what I needed.  I will continue on then with the song and eventually marry it up with hopefully with the proper melody.  When I get it finished I will put it on Open Micl

Again, your help is deeply appreciated!    And if you don't mind please feel free anytime I post lyrics or a full song to give me the kind of feedback that will help me grow.  I am serious about the spark that will hopefully become a flame, and there's nothing like having a genuine critique!

Jackie

Yes good start I agree. I liked the line    dreams like balloons fly(flew) out of sight.... Good imagery.

That's me !  I'll drop back in after another read  and offer a thought if I can .

Edit: Im back ! My .02 0n the 1st verse.

You stood by as I tried to fly, while dreams like balloons fly out of sight

You would say, don’t give up stand and fight, someday you’ll get it right

Years go by like a fast train, yet, nothing ever seemed to change

I made some friends along the way  it was Jack n Jim who eased my pain.

Thanks Bill and Dan,
I appreciate the vote of confidence!  It's strange how a little encourgement can help.  I wrote another song today, just finished up  tonight and God willing I'll upload it to Open Mic tomorrow.  A little demo I made at home. But I think you can get the jest of it.  The title is: My Childhood Home.  Please feel free to listen to it if you can I will appreciate any advice or ideas you may or where I need to make changes, etc. Thanks again. 

Hi Jackie,

Hi Wes,  Thank you for liking the idea so far, I got caught up in another part of life. Just now getting back in the frame of mind to move forward with the song.  However, I do appreciate the encouraging words!   I'll post in a day or two and highly welcome any critiquing comments you or others may have!

Jackie

Hey Guys, I've been working on the lyric some, here is where I'm at so far:  You guys had some very good suggestions! And  I finally worked on a melody. I posted the song already on Open Mic. Check it out and please as always feel free to critique away!  Thanks!

I Would Not Be Here Today

                                                  C2016 Jackie Dixon

1. You stood by, I tried to fly, as dreams like balloons flew out of sight,
You would say, boy don’t give up the fight someday you’ll get it right;
Years go by like a fast train nothing seemed to ever change
You were there every step of the way, you knew how to ease my pain

Chorus:

I would not be here today, I would be in my grave,
Or drunk old man out on a lost highway;
I’m one of the lucky few ‘cause without a woman like you
I would not be here today.


2. Girl you’ve seen the worst in me, you watched me drink myself to sleep
Why you didn’t up and leave Lord knows you deserved better than me
One last time to make it right, when darkness gave way to morning light
Everything’s going to be alright, here you are still holding on tight

Chorus:

I would not be here today, I would be in my grave,
Or drunk old man out on a lost highway;
I’m one of the lucky few ‘cause without a woman like you
I would not be here today.

Bridge:

Turning back the pages of time is something I wish I could do..
But the winds have blown and the rains have fell, through it all I hope you knew…….

Chorus:

I like the song, Jackie and encourage everyone to go have a listen in open mic if you haven't already.

Thanks for sharing the song with us.



Carl

Thanks Carl....