Some really good lines in this, and I enjoyed the read very much, but it was a little hard to analyze correctly because of the format. It helps to differentiate the verses from the pre chorus and/or chorus by separating them with spaces. Someone else pointed out that your POV changes in the lyric, and with a few tweaks that can be addressed easy. I was thinking maybe "Wiping tears in the rain" to address the cliche trepidation by some, or a line in that vein. It's obvious you have writing skills off the bat, but I think the important thing to make the writing stick out more, would be to first address the format. Great start without a doubt, I look forward to seeing the end product.
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