The Best Cure For Love Is Prevention Rewrite!!!!!

Hi Rampers!

This is my 1st lyric post here and it is one I am working on at the moment and wondered what your thoughts were?

Please feel free to comment good or bad dont hold back if there is anything you see that may need improving on I would rather know.

 

Well I hope you enjoy the read, and thanks for veiwing.

 

Les

 

 

The Best Cure For Love Is Prevention ©LGS 2015

 

 

V

You’ll never see a wedding ring on my finger

The married life is definitely not for me

To love someone in sickness and in health

Sounds like to much responsibility

 

V

I've seen to many broken hearts to let it happen

No way will I fall in love and settle down

I’d be waiting for the day that she’d leave me

I'm better off moving from town to town

 

So I say

 

C1

The best cure for love is prevention

Don’t let anyone get to close to me

Keep my distance that’s my intention

Have some fun - say goodbye - then let em be

 

B

My farther left when I was young

He broke my mothers heart

I don’t think I could take that pain

So I’ll never let it start

 

So I say

 

C2

The best cure for love is prevention

Don’t get that involved is what I say

Love em n leave em that’s my intention

Have some fun - say goodbye - be on my way

 

Yeah I say

 

C1

 

C2

 

Hi Les

What a great first post! Great rhyming on an awesome write!  Hmm hiding away from love in the name of self preservation

and the prevention  of a broken heart LOL So that's what these bachelors are all about, hmm always wondered!!!

Thanks for clearing that up I really like it as your have it, but maybe some of these talented lyricists could give

you some sage suggestions for a more powerful write.

Hi Les, Welcome to songramp and writers room

 

Here is a quicktake. whie its true  your lines rhyme, I get no sense of rhythm

eg;

v 1 

You’ll never see a wedding ring on my finger

The married life is definitely not for me

To love someone in sickness and in health

Sounds like to much responsibility

 

I would have said it  something like this

 

You’ll never see a  ring upon my finger

Marriage is definitely not for me

loving  through all  life's dramas

That's too much  responsibility

 

 

my 2c worth  Jdub

Hello, Les!

I too like this a lot and I think there are many out there that could probably relate .

I view this as comical and think it would work best that way with the exception of the bridge which is good and fits right into what's going on to explain why this guy isn't interested in having a serious relationship.

Only suggestion with a few edits  is to consider a hybrid of chrous 1 and chorus 2  and use only the one chorus then. See below.

(Chorus)

The best cure for love is prevention

Don’t get too involved is what I say

Keep my distance that’s the intention

Have some fun then be on my way  orHave some fun and be on my way

 

Love em' n leave em that's my intention (in chorus 2) doesn't make the point of view sound like a nice person. If it's his intent it's pre-planned but I suppose if it's mutual between him and the gal then that doesn't matter. You explained in a nutshell with the bridge the origin of why this guy possibly fears relationships and perhaps is the way he is with re: to love. That tells me he wants sympathy or understanding with the explanation. Love em n leave em will kill any sympathy or sensitivity from the audience in my view. Also, love em n leave em is so trite and overcooked in the word dept. Again just my thoughts of course.  : )

A clever and good write. Hope what I said helps    Use or lose my thoughts and suggestions!

Welcome to the site by the way!!   :)

Carl

 

Hi, Les!  

 

Extending a warm welcome to SongRamp, and thanks for checking out the Writer's Room!   Glad to have you onboard!! 

 

As others have said here, this is a really good first post.  I saw exactly where you were going with this, but in order for this to be considered "mainstream",  I do think a good re-write is in order.  I agree with Carl - the phrase "love 'em n' leave 'em" is too cliche and dated to work in today's music scene.  And I agree that that particular phrase won't result in much sympathy or empathy from the listener.  It paints the singer in a bad light, as if he just wants sex, and nothing more from women.   And the phrase "to love someone in sickness and in health is too much responsibility" just kind of stood out to me in a negative way. I think that this phrase would put the singer in a bad light, as well. 

 

For this to be considered for "mainstream" , I think that it's a bit too negative.  A well known writer down in Nashville told me one time "the minute you go negative, you're dead in the water."  Positive messages in songs seems to be the current preference in mainstream songs these days, especially from lesser known to completely unknown songwriters.  Established writers with a track record have a better chance of getting away with it, because of their success. 

 

Hi John

Thanks for the read and comments, I have a melody in my head for it and it does work (I made a booboo with my original comment on this so I have deleted it, saying it was the same ryhme thoroughout sorry for that I dont know what I was thinking at the time)  The bridge is more narrated than sung.

 

I will have a play with your ideas and see if I can make it similar for both verses.

Thanks again

Cheers

 

Les

 

 

Hi Carl

 

Thanks for the read and comments, I had the same thoughts about the "love em n leave em" line and the 2nd chorus was a result of me twiddling with multiple lines that I had.

 I think the idea for the chorus as you suggest is a great idea and I will make a change, I wanted a 2nd chorus to go out with just so it did not sound repedative and possibly boring.

 

Work to do I think!

 

Thanks again

 

Les

 

 

Hi Dale

Thanks for the read and comments. I agree with you that those lines do put him in a bad light which did cross my mind when writing but went with it anyway.

 

I do not like the "sickness/health" line that much and have written others to replace it, they are just not finished yet.

 

Yours and Carls thoughts are similar so I guess overall those lines need changing to take that negativity away from him.

 

He wasnt meant to come across like that and Carl sort of got it right as a comical or more light hearted sort of song, I had lots of lines to do with my ol man leaving when I was young and the trouble it caused but I thought it to depressing for this song.

 

Thanks again for your comments thats why I post lyrics to get opinions good or other they are usually all valid in some way.

 

Les

Hi all

 

I did a rewrite but I am still not to sure if it has helped the lyric? I have taken away the negativity I hope and that is where the 3rd verse I have added comes in and also the lines that were high lighted in the verse and chorus By Carl and Dale have been changed.

Thanks for pointing out those lines.

 

Your thoughts on the changes would be appreciated, and the song form does it work ok?

 

Cheers

Les

 

 

The Best Cure For Love Is Prevention ©LGS 2015

 

V

You’ll never see a ring upon my finger

Married life is definitely not for me

Not sure I could handle all the pressure

Way to much responsibility

 

V

Seen to many broken hearts to let it happen

No way I’ll fall in love and settle down

I’d be waiting for the day she’d leave me

Better off I move from town to town

 

So I say

 

C

The best cure for love is prevention

Don’t get that involved is what I say

Keep my distance that’s my intention

Have some fun-say goodbye-be on my way

 

V

I don’t lead them on with empty promises

I let them know right from the start

No way I’ll be walking down the isle

Have me but you can’t have my heart

 

So I say

 

C

The best cure for love is prevention

Don’t get that involved is what I say

Keep my distance that’s my intention

Have some fun-say goodbye-be on my way

 

B

My farther left when I was young

He broke my mothers heart

I don’t think I could take that pain

So I’ll never let it start

 

So I say

 

C

The best cure for love is prevention

Don’t get that involved is what I say

Keep my distance that’s my intention

Have some fun-say goodbye-be on my way

 

Yeah I say

 

 

Repeat chorus

Enjoyed Da Read.I can't relate I'm a sucker for love.The kind that last forever.All Da Best with it.

Seems we are the same Larry, I've been married 36yrs this year!!!
Thanks for the read and comment
All Da best to you bud.
Les