Angelo
depends very much on the market you are trying to pursue, I would think for Country it would be an absolute no no but for Folk, well they seem to like such things, for pop and rock it is fine as long it rhymes and no one listens to the words anyway!
The bigger issue relates to how you have manipulated the language to achieve a perfect rhyme, the sentence when spoken, to me, does not sound right.
Rhyme and more so perfect rhyme, is one of the most complex part of writing and for too many is like swinging an axe to break a match.
There are many degress of rhyme and use of these degrees adds enormously to the feel of the lyric. There are a multitude of articles about rhyme types and placement, but understanding rhyme to me is the greatest learn of lyric writing.
Good Luck with it all
Arty
depends very much on the market you are trying to pursue, I would think for Country it would be an absolute no no but for Folk, well they seem to like such things, for pop and rock it is fine as long it rhymes and no one listens to the words anyway!
The bigger issue relates to how you have manipulated the language to achieve a perfect rhyme, the sentence when spoken, to me, does not sound right.
Rhyme and more so perfect rhyme, is one of the most complex part of writing and for too many is like swinging an axe to break a match.
There are many degress of rhyme and use of these degrees adds enormously to the feel of the lyric. There are a multitude of articles about rhyme types and placement, but understanding rhyme to me is the greatest learn of lyric writing.
Good Luck with it all
Arty
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