Smallville

Constructive comments, suggestions, critiques and collaborations are welcome and appreciated. I also added an A Capella version of the song so others could get an idea of how I hear it. Thanks!

Smallville
Copyright 2009/Rev. 2015 by Wes Tibbets

VERSE ONE

We’d take our dates to the drive-in show
Park in the back where we could be alone
Little did we know
Time marches on

VERSE TWO

Drive downtown and meet our friends
Go to a place where the dirt began
And watch a fire burn low
Sang our favorite songs

PRE-CHORUS

But this is now and that was then
It’s too bad we can’t go back again

CHORUS

In small towns throughout this land
Weeds grow tall where a memory stands
Someone’s name’s on the water tower
A courthouse clock still chimes the hour
When all we know is the way it feels
And how such memories seem so real
From way back when…where life began
When we were livin’ in Smallville

VERSE THREE

I can still remember cruisin' around
Dreaming out loud of leaving town
And how when the sun set down
We were still nowhere bound

VERSE FOUR

It wasn’t too long before we knew
We’d put that town in our rear views
We thought we were so cool
The young can be such fools

PRE-CHORUS

But this is now and that was then
It’s too bad we can’t go back again

CHORUS

In small towns throughout this land
Weeds grow tall where a memory stands
Someone’s name’s on the water tower
A courthouse clock still chimes the hour
When all we know is the way it feels
And how such memories seem so real
From way back when…where life began
When we were livin’ in Smallville

BRIDGE

I drove back home not so long ago
Found the drive-in closed
And the parking lot overgrown

CHORUS

In small towns throughout this land
Weeds grow tall where a memory stands
Someone’s name’s on the water tower
A courthouse clock still chimes the hour
When all we know is the way it feels
And how such memories seem so real
From way back when…where life began
When we were livin’ in Smallville

TAG

Back in Smallville

Wes
nice sentimental piece and some good lines, I like the weeds motif espeacially as it show decay.

I have done a little rewrite as an excercise for you to see how someone else may have constructed this, whislt keeping as much as poosible.

Firstly, the hardest part of writing (at least one of them lol) is knowing what to leave out. Hence we have 10 section in the song - believe them when they tell you the audience has a short attention span, radio has known it for years and it takes an exceptional song i.e. Bohemian Rhapsody or Sultans of Swing

With this, it is also allowing the listener to paint the picture, your town is not THEIR TOWN, therefore giving snapshots  / generalities which allows the listener to place their town in your lyric and connect to the song.

Rhyme is fine if we dont bend the language to manage it, Simplest test is to say each line out threee times and does it feel natural.

How some one else may look at it

V1
I Remember Friday nights meeting friends
Going out to where the dirt began
And watching smoky fires burning low
with Us all badly singing our favourite songs

V2
Long summer evenings cruisin' around
Dreaming out loud about  leaving town
Each tomorrow turned into months
Till I Gave myself parole from this sentence

Ch
Weeds now cover my memories
I’m sure you know the way it feels
How our past still seems so real
From way back when…where our lives began
Trapped livin’ in Smallville

V3
cant believe it was so many years ago
Drove out with the town in the rear view mirror
While we may have thought we were so tres cool
Truth is when we were young we were such fools

Ch
Weeds now cover my memories
I’m sure you know the way it feels
How our past still seems so real
From way back when…where our lives began
Trapped livin’ in Smallville


Arty

Thanks for the kind words and suggestions. The biggest problem I've discovered with writing lyrics is that from one person to another, there is a different perception of how the song is supposed to sound. For instance, the way you read it, my syllable count is way off from what you hear in your mind and vice versa. The same problem persists too in collaboration with others. One person sees it differently from another. Therefore, each person corrects it according to their perception of it. I really appreciate you taking the time to read through it and make the suggestions you have. There is some great ideas in there for sure. Best wishes to ya!

The biggest problem I've discovered with writing lyrics is that from one person to another, there is a different perception of how the song is supposed to sound. For instance, the way you read it, my syllable count is way off from what you hear in your mind and vice versa.

WES
Coming from a pure lyric viewpoint (which is why my time is spent here in the writers room), it is not so much the syllables rather the stresses in the language which dictate these aspects. For me, these are minor points and until the structure are right and the storyboard tight, not worth worrying about how it sounds.

Perceptions are a different matter altogether, every writer has the right to write what they want and keep it that way, every listener and reader has  a similar right to like or dislike or even hate. Lyrics / Songs are basically for others, we tend almost always to sing to others or with others
therefore the importance of others perceptions are vitally important.

Whilst I would like more to comment on all posts, they dont, and this makes it difficult if you the writer are to make an opinon re somebodies elses opinion - when you are both right!

Collaborations are different thing all together if both writers are focused on making a better song, then the sound has to be agreed upon as do all aspects, the song itself is king and the writers the minions!

Good to have you on the ramp1

Arty

You put it much better than I did. I agree totally!

Wes . read it just fine liked the story , not being from USA can't relate to the drive in or water
tower except from movies , but the think that in my opinion changes a good song to a great song or a even into a crap song is the music , most people hear the music dump it or prick up their ears , only after a couple of listens do we start to  hear/learen the words

john

Thank you John,

I appreciate you taking the time to check it out and commenting. The drive in show is really an antiquated concept. Not many of them still survive although I do know of one. They were still real popular when I was growing up in the 80's though. As for the water tower, it seems it's a rite of passage for every generation to write their names upon them. The old one in my hometown had both my brother's and my name on it. I'm too old to climb the new one there lol. Many thanks and best wishes!

nice lyrics Wes and some good suggestions. One thing I've learned is that shorter is better especially if you are looking to have someone else sing it

Thanks Larry,

Nice to meet you and I appreciate you taking the time to check it out and commenting. It's taken a lot of years to hone my craft and I'm still learning the difference between a lyric and a singable lyric. It's a work in progress for sure. Once again, thank you for your time. Best wishes!

Hey Wes -
I like your lyric. I think it flows fine although perhaps just a little wordy. I'm not sure where the song clocks in at but I'd concentrate on the Chorus .. maybe ask yourself do you need the pre-chorus.? As for your melody ... I'm not hearing a real big difference between the verses and the chorus though there is some. It played nicely for me in the key of C  at 120 bpm's except when trying to transistion from pre-chorus to chorus. I'm sure if you think you really need the pre-chorus something could be figured out. I think the melody (though sounds a little familiar) could be tweaked. Anyway, I just really wanted to tell you that I think this is a fine effort. Good job!
Kip

Hi Kip,

Thank you so much for your insight. I actually have a link to me singing it A Cappella. I don't know what speed it is. It's just how I hear it in my head.  Here's the link.......Fair warning, if you have any pets, please take them outside. The sound of me singing will hurt their ears and your too lol. Best wishes!

Wes -
Yep .. I know ... I listened last night and that was what I was referring to ... when I listened I felt like there wasn't quite enough differene melodically between the verses and the chorus BUT I do feel with a bit of tweaking it would probably work just fine the way you mostly sang it.  It is definitely a song lyric ... flows nicely ... good rhyming pattern ... and song structure. Thje subject matter certainly isn't anything new but what is? I personally like it and think you did a fine job.
Kip

My bad! I forgot I attached it to the main lyric prior to that. Thanks for the kind words though. I appreciate it. I just sing them like I hear them in my head. By no means, beyond somewhat lyrically, do I know anything about musical composition, playing an instrument or singing. But I do have an ear for music or so I've been told. I really appreciate you taking the time to check it out and comment. Best wishes!

I think this is a really good lyric, and after reading the other posts, the only other thing I'll add is, that once the music is laid down that's when word or sentence changes will come in, if there need be any. I hold to the idea that the lyricisn't finished until the musics finished. Just my perspective. Good lyric, good writing, and well structured. Very nice work.

Thanks,

I appreciate the kind words. And you're absolutely correct. A lyric is just an idea. I write the way it inspired me and an artist will create songs from what inspires them. I never set anything in stone. It's just a blueprint. Also thanks for taking the time to read my lyric and commenting. Best wishes!

LOVE IT WES I could picture Alan Jackson or Paul Brant singing Dis one right up Da Charts.

Thanks Larry,