John
much better!!! LOL
It is the emotion which you are writing from, doubt whether in the states dads 64 lotus cortina will mean much so the choice of the 57 was a good one, the emotional view point stands!
You got some pretty constructive feedback, so would possibly suggest the story board works and will work better each and every time you use it!
Larry commented re length and you replied as to losing detail - Fine detail is totally overated, give them the broad brushstrokes and they will colour and fill the detail in of THEIR LIVES - show dont tell, there are aspects of this which is good as Kristi picked up on, but now I would concentrate on tightening it up even further
Arty
much better!!! LOL
It is the emotion which you are writing from, doubt whether in the states dads 64 lotus cortina will mean much so the choice of the 57 was a good one, the emotional view point stands!
You got some pretty constructive feedback, so would possibly suggest the story board works and will work better each and every time you use it!
Larry commented re length and you replied as to losing detail - Fine detail is totally overated, give them the broad brushstrokes and they will colour and fill the detail in of THEIR LIVES - show dont tell, there are aspects of this which is good as Kristi picked up on, but now I would concentrate on tightening it up even further
Arty
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