Good write and like the idea behind it - to make his first person and change it to I said Daddy - now there is a more powerful and poignant write.
So I would concentrate on this part
She says “Daddy will you walk me
Down the aisle when I wed
It’s comin' before you know it
We gotta plan ahead”
[ch]
As you can imagine
I should be laughin’
But look at me I’m old
My daughter is my baby
But my baby’s now a lady
And I’m losin’ all control
(br)
Rock-a-bye and hide-and-seek
Happened so long ago
Like toothless grins and pimpled chins
And angels in the snow
The structure of VVCVVCBC is long, very long, the bridge is very cute but does not add to the story or really have any place or relevance. but V4, now V4 is the $$$$$$$
V4 is the BRIDGE, the culmination of every daddies dream, the day he reaches his fulfillment in his daughters life - he GIVES away his daughter to another man, how noble, how emotional, how fulfilling.... I dont want to write this for you, but I think it should be succinct and finish with the "Daddy..." motif
Arty
PS, the use of Old and lose of control, well I come from a nursing background and even designed and manufactured incontinence products... LOL