Hi OD,
Very nice to meet you! I just noticed your critique here and wanted to say thank you for going thru the lyric and offering up your thoughts and suggestions. It's always good to hear other people's objective points of view!
I know what you mean about making a familiar phrase just a little bit different to avoid the commonness of it all. I see how you changed up the meaning there for the chorus and that's very clever. I think that's a whole other song since it's about the girl. As I wrote this lyric, it became a story about the father and coming to terms with his aging and life moving on. I like that aspect of it, actually, as I have never written from that point of view before!
Your tips are good (not worthless at all! lol) and I will remember them! I find I write a lot in first person. Not sure why, but that's how it comes out. I totally get it about the singer and all though....good points. I wish I was more of a storyteller in that sense of putting things in 3rd person, but I notice I do gravitate to the other. I should experiment and break out of my comfort zone and try 3rd person more often!
Thanks for taking the time to read this over and give a constructive, honest critique! :)
Kristi
Very nice to meet you! I just noticed your critique here and wanted to say thank you for going thru the lyric and offering up your thoughts and suggestions. It's always good to hear other people's objective points of view!
I know what you mean about making a familiar phrase just a little bit different to avoid the commonness of it all. I see how you changed up the meaning there for the chorus and that's very clever. I think that's a whole other song since it's about the girl. As I wrote this lyric, it became a story about the father and coming to terms with his aging and life moving on. I like that aspect of it, actually, as I have never written from that point of view before!
Your tips are good (not worthless at all! lol) and I will remember them! I find I write a lot in first person. Not sure why, but that's how it comes out. I totally get it about the singer and all though....good points. I wish I was more of a storyteller in that sense of putting things in 3rd person, but I notice I do gravitate to the other. I should experiment and break out of my comfort zone and try 3rd person more often!
Thanks for taking the time to read this over and give a constructive, honest critique! :)
Kristi
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