Customer Service

Hi, Gang!

I wrote the original version to this about 10 years ago and then returned to it with about three or four revisions. The most recent was at the end of 2014.
I'm wondering if I need more images. More show than tell. I am also curious to know if anyone outside of the US or perhaps Canada would find a disconnect in the subject matter.  Granted at heart I am anything but politically correct, so if it is offensive by all means, fire away! Lol  But keep in mind the approach was meant to be comical.    I envision this as a country tune but if you think otherwise let me know.
Constructive comments, suggestions or any other thoughts that can help to improve this are welcome.


Customer Service

(Verse 1)
On hold for an hour
Patience wearin' thin
Then a voice from out of nowhere
Said his name was Jin
But, it was hard to understand
What it was Jin said
And he put me back on hold
Then the line went dead    

(Chorus)
Well, that's customer service
Let's give em' a hand
Corporations have downsized
The jobs gone from the land
They're tryin' to save money
That's what it's all about
Calling 1-800
Makes me wanna shout

(Verse 2)
The second phone attempt
Left me in a daze
Got bounced around from here to there
Spinnin' in a maze
When I finally got someone
I was told to go
Online to find the answer
No one seemed to know

(Chorus)
Well, that's customer service
Let's give em' a hand
Corporations have downsized
The jobs gone from the land
They're tryin' to save money
That's what it's all about
Calling 1-800
Makes me wanna shout

(Bridge)
To speak to a 'live' person
Might leave ya' cursin'
Thousands of miles away
In Manilla or Bombay

(Chorus)
Well, that's customer service
Let's give em' a hand
Corporations have downsized
The jobs gone from the land
They're tryin' to save money
That's what it's all about
Calling 1-800
You might wanna shout

©  Carl B   2005, 2006, 2007,  2014

That's no lie! Half the time it is somebody from the middle east and I want to yell at them, "Put your forhead against the phone so I can hit 1 for English. Obviously, I'm not the only one who has gotten frustrated with customer service reps. I now know of at least one more in you lol. Good luck with it and best wishes!

Hi Carl,

Well, I think this strikes a nerve...I’m in the U.S. so I think many will be able to relate to the all too many possible frustrating experiences of your hook! You ask about adding more images.

I think there are places where you could add some. Here’s a few little nit-picky ideas:

Line 2 of v1: “Patience wearin’ thin”. I want to see that! That would be fun! Ha. What physically happens to you when you’re on hold! lol (I hate to “go there” myself as it might put me in a bad mood! Just kidding)

Line 7 of v1: “So he put me back on hold”.That reads to me as a result of what happened before, but with a little tweak of subbing in “And” in place of “So” and in the next line, “Then” (or some other conjunction) in place of “Till” might add to the list of complaints and some exasperation starts to grow.

Chorus: last line. You could turn it into a warning to us: “Be prepared to shout” or something like that? It’s speaking from one person’s opinion and he’s getting frustrated. You could also say, “But when I call 1-800” (instead of “you" )... “It makes me wanna shout...”

Line 2 of v2: “Left me in a daze”. Maybe, “Dazed and something something” (image) would pump it up a bit and be more active. You could also mention music in place of “here to there” in line 3, “Got bounced around from here to there”, just to be more specific. Or is it the dead silence that is bothersome. Could be either, I think!

Just a few thoughts...you've got the gist of it....it’s late at night and I hope some of this makes sense.

Kristi

Man do I like this, and I sure can relate. Very good write! Tghe things I thought about addressing Kristi has already put forth

She said;
"Line 7 of v1: “So he put me back on hold”.That reads to me as a result of what happened before, but with a little tweak of subbing in “And” in place of “So” and in the next line, “Then” (or some other conjunction) in place of “Till” might add to the list of complaints and some exasperation starts to grow."

Chorus: last line. You could turn it into a warning to us: “Be prepared to shout” or something like that? It’s speaking from one person’s opinion and he’s getting frustrated. You could also say, “But when I call 1-800” (instead of “you" )... “It makes me wanna shout...”

I couldn't have articulated it better...really, I couldn't. :)

Regardless, that's all the input I have. This is good stuff and most people will relate. Very nice job

Thanks for your comments, Wes!

Hi, Kristi

Great suggestions. I made some conjunction changes. Not too sure about "then" in the last line of verse one. How about when?
Also made some small revisions to the chorus, the last two lines based on your remarks.

I'm still working on creating more images perhaps on the lines you mentioned  but quite possibly in verse two. Thinking along the lines of having to listen to elevator music while on hold but we will see and or blood pressure rising. Not sure yet, but the thoughts will materialize onto paper.  Lol

I really appreciate your input
Thank you


Carl

James

I'm glad you as well as Wes & Kristi were able to relate to this one. I thought it would be a good topic to write a lyric about.

Thanks!


Carl

What genre of music are you thinking?   Never mind ... you envision it as a country tune ... just saw that. Sorry.
It would work as a country tune or a folky type tune along the lines of John Prine or Todd Snider. I like the idea and I don't think it would offend (too much) since most evryone feels that way.

Carl
Your song is important to us...

politically incorrect, check out an Aussie, Kevin Bloody Wilson (not for the faint hearted here and lots of swearing) his song Dicktaphone circa 1987 which is the ultimate of songs re customer service on the Telephone! I warn you again, language is not as the Queen speaks it.

But to your lyric, the chorus is actually what everybody  'already knows' and for mine is not the best vehicle to take this song forward.

I think this will work better if  the Chorus was as simple as something like (this without changing anything else)i.e.


Customer Service

(Verse 1)
On hold for an hour
Patience wearin' thin
Then a voice from out of nowhere
Said his name was Jin
But, it was hard to understand
What it was Jin said
And he put me back on hold
When the line went dead

(Chorus)

Murders back in me head when they said
can I help you, hold the line please
waiting, greensleeves, waiting
frustrating, waiting
your calls important to us
waiting, waiting waiting

(Verse 2)
The second phone attempt
Left me in a daze
Got bounced around from here to there
Spinnin' in a maze
When I finally got someone
I was told to go
Online to find the answer
No one seemed to know

(Chorus)

Murders back in me head when they said
can I help you, hold the line please
waiting, greensleeves, waiting
frustrating, waiting
your calls important to us
waiting, waiting waiting

(Bridge)
To speak to a 'live' person
Might leave ya' cursin'
Thousands of miles away
In Manilla or Bombay

(Chorus)

Murders back in me head when they said
can I help you, hold the line please
waiting, greensleeves, waiting
frustrating, waiting
your calls important to us
waiting, waiting waiting


GOODBYE - FOREVER

Yours as always to do with as you like


Arty

Kip,

Thank you for your remarks.  I was a bit concerned about offending people. Although that never stops me, offending is never my  intent. I was looking to express something that probably is hush hush in a public arena that many could identify with in the frustration(usually behind closed doors). Was aiming to be sarcastic and humorous in that it is very truthful.

Arty,

I enjoyed the new chorus. Lol

(Chorus)

Murders back in me head when they said
can I help you, hold the line please
waiting, greensleeves, waiting
frustrating, waiting
your calls important to us
waiting, waiting waiting

Only problem is customer service (as it originally appeared) has been murdered.  Lol

I appreciate your thoughts and input.     Will have to check out the Aussie you mentioned earlier.


Carl

Arty
I just listened to Dictaphone by Kevin Bloody Wilson. Lol
Well, I had to look at a copy of the words as I listened to the music. Difficult to understand without reading the words.

I actually liked Stick That Phone, much better.  Lol  Words were easy to understand and the tune was pleasant to listen to.
Well, they're both very direct what can I say. Lol
Thanks for pointing me to them.

and he put me back on hold/when the line went dead.  I find this confusing. How could you know he put you on hold if the line went dead? It makes more sense if you use "then" instead of "when", because "then" describes a sequence of events, and to my mind is easier to follow. My two cents, I vote for "then".  Ott

Thanks, Ott.  You're right and I just changed it.  I was trying to imply that once the caller or POV in the lyric was placed back on hold, the line suddenly went dead. I see your point in that it is confusing or unclear. Thanks for responding. I was looking for feedback on that particular line.

Carl

Carl
the Kevin Bloody Wilson song was the "Stick that F 'n' phone " I was thinking of, there are very few people who have made a career out of swearing but he has. Some of his songs are 'worse' again (Santa Claus) but extremely funny as well and not the least bit radio friendly!!!!!

Actually I do not have a problem with swearing in songs but when it is not contextual and just there as the lazy impact line, blaaaahhhh

Arty

I can relate to this here in Canada as well.I really like this.Can't wait to hear it.

Thanks, Larry.  Yes ,it is a subject I think many can relate to.  Plan to get it recorded in the future : )

I hear you ! Given the choice I prefer getting connected to the Philippines than India. I stand a much better chance at understanding the conversation. I use quickbooks for business my software. They send me to the Philippines for personal contact. If I get the cat from India its hell for us both , I cant understand and he has to repeat himself constantly.

Enjoyed, truth and comedy !

Hi, Dan

Thanks for commenting.  You're right. Filipino accents when speaking English are easier to understand than Indian accents for me too.         (At least on the phone in this context)  Lol

Glad you could relate.


Carl